You're listening to The Sensible Split podcast, Episode 4. Today, I'm going to share with you a process you can utilize to live a more fulfilling life in 2024.

The Sensible Split is a podcast for smart but overwhelmed women in search of a roadmap to a successful separation and divorce. If you are looking for guidance in navigating the practical, legal, and emotional aspects of divorce with confidence, this is the show for you. Here’s your host, Master Certified Life and Divorce Coach, Divorce Attorney, and Mediator, Lauren Fair.

Hey, everyone, welcome back. I'm recording this podcast in December of 2023, and by the time that you listen to it, it will be January 2024. I've been working on something for myself this week that I wanted to share with you, because I've found that it has really helped me to make some really positive, intentional changes in my own life, that have allowed me to live in a way that feels really good to me. I just wanted to share this with you so that you can give it a try yourself.

I learned this framework from a business coach who I worked with in the past, named Stacey Boehman. It is something that I first applied to my business. When I took it and expanded it to applying it to my life in general, I found it to be so helpful.

I've done this for about two years now and have realized that it has just been a very rewarding process to be able to go back and look at what I was thinking at the end of the previous year, what I wanted to create for myself in the new year, and then being really able to look at what came out of that process for me in the year.

Before I was utilizing this process, I found that I had some things that I wanted to change in my life from year to year, that just kind of kept carrying over from year to year. I also found that sometimes we get to the end of the year, and it's hard to remember all the things that went well in the year. We tend to focus on the things that maybe didn't go exactly the way we wanted to in the year.

It's so easy to get caught up in where our minds like to go, which is to kind of focus on the negative, because that's what they're designed to do. But when we do that we miss out on all of the good things that happened in the year, or maybe just even some of the good ones that get lost along the way, that are still so valuable to pause and recognize and learn from. So, I want to share this process with you so that you can apply it and see what it does for you.

First, what you want to do, is look at what worked in the year. It's important that you start in this order because we want to intentionally direct our minds to the positive. What went well for you this year? Look at all facets of your life. So, it might be in business, in your job. It might be in your family, in your home life. It could be in your finances, your health, friendships. Look at all of the different areas of your life and make yourself find what worked in as many of them as possible.

You want to write this all down. Okay? What went well? What worked for you in 2023? Or in whatever year you may be listening to this.

Once you have found all of the things that went well, next, I want you to look at what didn't work. When you're looking at what didn't work, this is really important, we don't want to judge ourselves for what didn't work. We just want to approach ‘what didn't work’ from a place of curiosity, right? Almost like a scientist would look at an experiment that didn't quite go as expected. That's what we want to do here. We want to look for what didn't work from a place of curiosity and compassion for ourselves.

When we're looking at what didn't work, we want to focus on, primarily, what our role was in whatever it is that didn't work. So, I want to give you an example of this. If you're thinking about a romantic relationship that you're in, could be a marriage or could be a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé situation, you might be thinking something like, “He didn't value me this year.”

Instead, I want you to shift that into, “I didn't feel valued in my relationship.” Do you see how that works? We just want to focus, from our own perspective, what our experience was of this particular area of life that didn't quite work well this year.

Once you have down everything that didn't go right this year, what didn't work, then I want you to look at: What am I going to do differently next year? And so, you will draw upon, perhaps, what worked and what didn't work, in coming up with ‘what I want to do differently next year.’ Or maybe it's something that you've noticed that just didn't even appear on the ‘what worked well,’ or ‘what didn't work well.’ Maybe it's something that is important to you now, that wasn't even addressed at all this past year.

Make a list of what you want to do differently. Not just “want,” but that you're going to do differently in the new year. Once you have a list of what you will do differently in 2024, or in that next year that's before you, you can utilize that list to start creating very specific, measurable goals for yourself about how you are going to carry out those desired changes in 2024.

What specifically do they translate into as a goal? And what are the action steps that are going to help you achieve those goals. If you don't know how to translate those intentions for 2024 into reality, that's something that coaching can absolutely help you with.

Or if you dive right into making those changes, and you encounter some difficulty along the way, as we often do when we're pursuing goals, that's also an excellent opportunity for you to get support along the way.

I much prefer the process that I just outlined for you to the idea of setting New Year resolutions. I don't know about you, but for me in the past, New Year resolutions have not been very effective. By the time you're listening to this podcast in January, probably most people who have made resolutions for the new year have already given up on them by that particular time. That, just statistically, is what happens generally, for most people.

Following this three-step process of what worked, what didn't work, and what will I do differently, allows you to create awareness around the things that are working and the things that aren't. It allows you to really make some positive changes in the new year and be able to review at the end of next year all of the progress that you have made toward a much more intentional outcome in various areas of your life.

Utilizing this three-step process really allows you to get laser focused on where to put your time and attention, in 2024, that’s going to have the biggest impact for you in increasing your satisfaction with these various areas of your life. So, I hope that this process is as helpful for you as it was for me, and I wish you a beautiful 2024.

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Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Sensible Split. If you’re looking for more information and guidance to help you successfully navigate a divorce, please visit www.TheSensibleSplit.com.

Please remember, the information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to be and should not be taken as legal advice on any particular matter. The content of this podcast is not tailored to your specific, unique circumstances, and its transmission does not create or constitute an attorney-client relationship. Listeners are strongly advised to seek the advice of qualified legal professionals regarding their individual situation.